Franz Josef.

I just climbed a frikkin' glacier. Awesome!

Oh and Kayaking photos up on Facebook. This place has been immense - if pricey! I worry it's only getting worse with Queenstown round the corner!

If I'm this drunk....

Then oh boy. Poor bus driver. Tomorrow's gonna be nasty.

I should try and update this more really. Tomorrow I head to the Franz Josef glacier. I'm gonna climb up it and stuff. Today I strolled around the tiny touwn of Greymouth, went on a brewery tour and drank booze - a lot of it, with the guy who's supposed to be driving us all to Queenstown. Oh and German girls love the game of Bekark. Whodda thunked it?

Ciao for now.

short update

aka - another bloody amazing view - prepare to be bored one and all upon my return.

In other news - I threw myself out of a plane 2 days ago and today I hit the South Island. C'est l'awesome.

Rotorua.

In the local brogue, the past two days in Rotorua have been sweet as. Having met my bus (I was the only unmarried boy on it - oh the shame!) Proceeded down to Waitomo where we did some black water rafting (imagine mid 80's Atari game Toobin - in the dark). They also told us about the Maori myth of the Tunnifar which the way our Dutch guides were saying it kept sounding like 'Fanny fart'.

Then yesterday I went zorbing. Awesome. I've got a vid of me basically going 'off piste' despite my recent extreme weightloss which I will post to Farcebook before Chrimbo I promise.

Oh and last night I went to a maori dinner. I was made an honorary chief purely on account of the fact that I played rugby. I didn't mention I'm shite.

Today I'm off to Taupo and weather permitting in the next two days will throw myself out of a perfectly good airplane from 12,000 ft.

Oh and I've discovered the words 'Richie McCaw crying' effectively end any argument. Admittedly they end by you getting punched but its funny nonetheless.

Auckland is such a pleasant place

1. They drive on the right or left hand side of the road.
2. They say please and thank you
3. They have a real national game (even if bottling it is a national art form).
4. It's clean.

That pretty much sums up the differences with LA there.

There are still plenty of fitties walking around!

All goes a bit Avid Merrion.

Yes, Hollywood is a confusing place and at some kind of event at some theatre last night, I spotted the following (ranked in order of awesomeness)

The Heroes girls (Ali Larter and the one who it was unacceptable to fancy when she was 6 in remember the titans)

R&B singer Brandy

Mario Lopez - aka AC Slater from saved by the bell

Seal and his stunning wife Heidi Klum

Eva Longoverexposedoria

and some middle aged bints from Britain called the spice girls

and the bloke who played Dawson in Dawson's Creek - it turns out I still want to punch him in the head.

It all went a little Gomez.

Went to Tijuana yesterday full of good intentions. Ended up in bed by 9pm.

If anyone could fill in the blanks for me I'd be grateful.

In other news - I'm off to LA in like half an hour. It's gonna be tough cos San Diego has been absolutely amazing.

San Diego Zoo

Is probably the best zoo I've ever been to. That is all - Panda's and Polar Bears.

Oh and I saw a news van. I think I was the only person who found it remotely funny.

In other news, American food has brought on a case of what can only be described as gut rot. There I was hoping I could wait until Thailand for that.

People I've pissed off so far...

1. Half of the New York Fire Department. There was some competition on in Vegas and they're all pretty buff guys. I made the obvious statement that they clearly get that way because they have too much time on their hands. That went well.


2. Some old and I mean old geezer in my last youth hostel who I told to STFU when going on about how America won WWII for us. I thought people like that had all been shot. He was like 80. I would have still laid him out if I hadn't walked away.

3. Most of the boyfriends of Vegas. It's not my fault I'm funnier, better looking and have a quirkier accent than them and their birds all loved me (not literally sadly - coulda gotten messy). It's not my fault that they all insist on wearing baseball caps backwards, 3/4 trousers and bad sportswear is it?

In other news, went to a club last night. The barman bought me a beer when I compared the music selection to that of a shit 70's wedding.

Saw the Grand Canyon today. Pretty big - almost too big to register in some ways.

Tomorrow - the long long drive to San Diego. Wish me luck!

Proof of God's existence or Heaven and Hell in the US?

Deep and meaningful title to a blog entry I realise but, it's really the only way I can compare my previous two destinations.

First, there was Yosemite, perhaps the most beautiful place I've ever visited (yes, even more beautiful than the crisp turf of Hatchley Barn on a balmy August afternoon). I spent Wednesday on a 16 mile hike up what is affectionately known as the half dome. This is a tough trail, most of which was closed in winter but I pressed on until about 100 metres from the summit, when I felt myself lose a footing and thought mother wouldn't like me dieing up here, so I turned around (which involved going down stairs on my bum - doh!). But on that whole sunrise - sunset hike I saw maybe six people. It was beautiful and for the first time in as long as I can remember I heard silence. I also answered a personal mystery by finding some bear shit but I guess that's a story for another day. Up there, even a kinda atheist like me found some majesty in the beauty of the place that made me kinda think there might be a God.

Compare that to Vegas, the over blown, flaccid definition of modern America. No disrespect to anyone, I have met before and during this trip some genuinely lovely Americans who have respect for other people and the world around them. Those kinda people however, don't come to Vegas. I have on the other hand seen some awesome mullets and shit haircuts that I'm trying to get photos of for a rather special little facebook album. Having said that, Vegas is fun. In small doses, like an over large Blackpool that takes itself to seriously. I'm glad I've come here but I doubt I'll be rushing back.

That's all for today folks.

Day 3 update

So today I did Alcatraz. Wow. Really good, well worth the $20 and one of the most interesting tours I've ever done. Quite moving in places which was a little surprising!

In other news, 3 days in and I'm starting to look like a backpacker. This disturbs me. Today the 'magic trousers' were in 3/4 mode all day, despite it being quite chilly. But, I was wearing the cock of the tour shirt all day so this probably excuses me!

Tomorrow, Yosemite, whilst some would hope for small, moustachioed, rabbit killing cowboys, I'm hoping for some hills.

Oh and may I warn you all before you come here. American canned lager is a joke. It's horrific. 6 'cans' of Coors Light last night and this morning I wake up with a chemical hangover. Can't be a real one given how I actually felt fine ALL last night.

Bicycles - an instruement of the devil?

So I've just peddled 20 miles across the golden gate bridge and to a little town called Tiburon where I got the ferry back. Before I could do this though I peddled through the San Francisco equivalent of the Great north run, which was very random - well, actually it was a half marathon. There was no Garth Crooks, no Sir Jimmy Saville and absolutely no-one dressed up as Mr Blobby. Whilst this disappointed me it didn't surprise me because it was so bloody warm!

Alcatraz is all paid for for tomorrow (both ways before anyone asks). And now I'm off to march around and look at more things to take random, poorly laid out photographs of.

Okay so running on UK time is very bad

Hmm its 5.30 am I'm still on funking UK time.

After a few beers last night watching rugby for girls (american football) with a girl who looked a lot like Jack Bauer's daughter (and was even less accessible). I realised why this city looked so familiar. That's right, Grand Theft sodding auto. Gah.

Anyway. I'm up stupidly early am still struggling with the intricacy of the bunk bed dismount (those of you who were on tour to Amsterdam will remmember that particular delight. And am readyu to spend a day peddling around the city on a bike. My prediction for the day to quote Clubber Lang "pain". Oh and irritatingly the last two minutes of Die Hard 4 were turned off on my flight so we could land. Yippe Kay STFU stewardess.

San Fran - early thoughts

So I've been here for a couple of hours now, and in that time I have concluded:\\

1 - I'm gonna struggle with Youth Hostels

2 - Fisherman's Wharf is a lot like Felixstowe

3 - I've found a sunglasses place like that shitty place in Tower Ramparts. Am I missing something here?

Leaving on a jet plane

So it's come to this, I'm sat at work exactly 24 hours away from my flight to San Francisco. Really I just wanted to take the time to say a few words to everyone who's been there for me the past few months and years and to everyone whose support I have valued so strongly.

To the Boys:

Hoppy - Keep control of that budget
Eddie - Avoid those yellow cards
Big Show - Get over that Manbola - and soon!
OG - Please still be drinking in Woodbridge when I get back
Wooders - keep plugging away and keep the boys motivated and in EC1!!!
Ali - Do what you've got to do man. Oh and let me know how you get on with that stuff I sent you on email
Matt Mc - you know what you've gotta do - and I expect to have to work like a Mofo to get my spot back from you come September!

To everyone else from the team - good luck, Saturdays are gonna be horrible for me these next few months!

To the Girls:

Laura - be there when I get back - please!
Milldown K - expect Speedo shots soon!
Bex - not wanting to wish my trip away but Thailand can't come soon enough!
Faye - do what you need to do - I'm always on the end of an email
Becca - see you in Sydney!
Tammie & Kassie - look after the boys for me!

To the CBRians:

Brian M - don't get perma banned
Cayman - Florida/ wherever will come!
Dagger - OMGROFLOROXXORS
Pete - Peace and fucking, yeah?

And to the rest of you - no Messiah Complex spoilers!!!!

Oh and the rest of you, stay classy!

Travel Prep

Arrgh - so much to do it's unbelievable.

Rucksack is packed nearly, money is all in place. Accomodation is booked. But, I've noticed a trend. Insurance, check. Car hire, check. Visas - well, kinda, check.

First, fires in San Diego,
Second - yesterday's earthquakes in San Fransisco.

What else is gonna happen and am I somehow an augur of the Apocalypse?

[token comic reference]I don't mean like Archangel either - cos he was rubbish[/token comic reference]